I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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