You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How's work?
Spinning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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