cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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