I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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