Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
