I faked an abortion last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
