We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
