I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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