I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
