her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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