you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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