Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I see more hoeing in ur future
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