Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
