You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
