I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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