When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
