drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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