ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All the doctor said was why
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
