Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
