I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
