too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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