Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
