dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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