At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
