his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
