What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
