Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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