how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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