So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
