brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
