You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
