maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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