It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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