while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
