Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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