his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
