I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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