Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
