Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
