I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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