Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
