I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
