I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
