We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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