the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
