Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My dad is sitting where you rode me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
