i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
