Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
