So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just had sex bonerless
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
