She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
