Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
