you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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