they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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