thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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