The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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